Nightmare

Huh!! what a horrible day.... I just wish today just vanishes from my life... haven't had a day this bad since a long time. to begin with I woke up late(bloody alarm) and had to rush to make in time for college. And there for the first time in my life I got SUSPENDED. Yes thats true :( however I am not alone, my whole class of SYBMM is with me. But it hardly makes a difference.

Well the next thing to me was a bloody thievery. I went to the oh-so-posh oxford book store and left my purse at the security counter and in bloody 20 mins my wallet was missing...later to be found empty in my friend's bag who definitely didnt steal the money. And now the biggest part I bloody lost 6 grands..yes i was fool enough to carry such kind of money...though I had reasons. I will never forgive the person who did this to me....to my much awaited shopping trip and to the pretty dress I saw at AND. "You who stole my money Will Rot In The Deepest Pits Of Hell".

So now you see how nightmarish a day can be.... By the end of the day I was wondering whether my train to home might have an accident...looking at the way the day was leading....but anyways thankfully that didnt happen....GOD PLZ SAVE ME FROM MY FATE!!!!!

Scraps Of Sky

When you die young there is grief but what when u live for too long. This is what was on Nainee’s mind on the train ride back home. Thinking about her past Nainee thought of what she has achieved in living for 45 years. Her life was just like the tap water flowing in front of her. No ups no down just a plain steady flow of events. For she had no friends or foes but just acquaintances. In the minds of the people around her she was an extraordinary woman. No marriage, no children, successful in her own small way and definitely independent. Yes that was the word which Rajeev had used 25 years before. He told her that in a relationship he needed a woman who was independent. Back in those days Nainee was a college student. Even in those spring days of her life she was alone. And that is what attracted him to Rajeev, a man whom his own family had disowned for reasons unknown to Nainee. They found solace in each others company. However things changed soon enough and the day of separation came, in the form of Rajeev going abroad. The night Nainee heard the news she told Rajeev that she wanted to come with him. And he told her that he needed a more independent woman in life. And that was it there was no more discussion. A month later Rajeev went away and Nainee was all left to herself.

Nainee travelled back to her present by a sudden ringing of the door bell. She was startled to hear the bell ring at this time in night. Though it was only 7:30 p.m. but for her it was too late for anybody to knock on her door. Like the way her parents said when she decided to marry at the age of 30. The bell rang again, this time twice. Expectantly Nainee went for the door. “Who’s there??”She asked in a shaky voice. A male voice answered “courier madam”. Courier, for her and that too in the evening, suspicious. But reluctantly she opened the door; curiosity as they say takes the good of man. However it was a courier only but not just another credit card statement. It was a letter addressed to Miss Nainee Rajesh Mahto. Generally no one used her middle name to write to her. Taking the letter from the delivery boy she closed the door immediately. Holding the letter in her hand she could feel a similarity, knowingness, a feeling of old warmth. Nainee didn’t dare to open such a letter which rushed in so many emotions. However a lot of self debate and a few smokes later she finally dares to open the letter.

It’s the same familiar handwriting, the slants and curves in proper order. It was definitely a letter from Rajeev but how is it possible. A year back she heard the news that Rajeev died in a car crash in L.A. But there was too much of Rajeev’s self in the hand writing. For reasons even unknown to herself, she didn’t dare to read the address of the addressee. Apprehension has indeed become a trait of her character. So gathering all her courage Nainee sat down to read the letter……

So all that she ever thought of about her life has been a myth. Nainee was too engrossed in her own unknown preoccupations that she never dared to see others view of life. For all the questions that she ever wanted to ask were answered. And some answers which she never had the courage to listen to. The letter changed her life. It was turned upside down. For a woman like her who lived in a closed four sided wall everything was shattered.

The letter indeed was from Rajeev, the only person she ever loved in her life. But always she wondered what went wrong for them. In the beginning she thought that she was maybe inappropriate or too dependent (young) for Rajeev. However as the days passed by she thought of Rajeev as a bad guy who was just playful with her. All the talk of independent woman was just rubbish. And Nainee was at peace, like any other human being, to blame someone else for her unhappiness. But today the truth was in front of her, but she was in a dilemma whether to believe it or not. All those years back on a wintery night Rajeev had told her the reason of why he was disowned by his parents. He like many other men made the mistake of his life and was branded by a disease which took away his family from him. It was Nainee only who had panicked after listening to this ultimate truth and freaked out. Eventually with time she did understand and became positive about it, but that was too late. Rajeev was morally shaken and he made the decision to move forward with some other independent and mature woman.

Reading this written in Rajeev’s own handwriting Nainee thought of the countless nights she spent cursing Rajeev for what he did to her without ever trying to peep in the past of what she herself did to him. It was then that it dawned onto her that whatever her life was today it was just because of her own fear to accept the truth. Life was always a blame game for her. Maybe she was too scared to take the blame on herself. But one doubt was still there in heart. Maybe her last way of holding onto her belief of others making her suffer, was that how come Rajeev’s letter reached her after a year of his death? The date on the letter was of a year back only. Had Rajeev known then that he was going to die soon or was it just co incidental? Why did it take a year to reach a courier to her? Perhaps postal delay that was the first blaming thought that came to her mind. But all the mystery dawned to her when she finally saw the address of the sender. Never did she and maybe even you would believe what was written. Those three words changed everything and made her believe that in the end there is no one to blame for on the Day of Judgment you are alone:
Rajeev Sinha
Heaven